Elizabeth (jablko) wrote,

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from here on in, its all fucked up

mom and dan went to the bar tonight. my only thought about that is the question that has been ruling their relationship for the past while: was dan jealous when all the other guys were staring at mom? does he now believe that she is cheating on him with some random drunkard/regular at shamrock? who knows...who cares...

daniel lee called me tonight. well, i take that back...he sent me a string of texts that i didn't get. the first one i got asked if "i am even getting any of these" which was an obvious no. i ended up calling him for a couple minutes, mainly to figure out who in the hell was texting me...because i never got the ones saying that it was my favourite alabama bitch. he seems to be doing well, even though the phone conversation we has was brief.

i was supposed to call james this morning when i woke up, or so said the voicemail he left me at about two. i didnt call him...well i kinda did, but not until a little after seven when i was two cars behind him heading out of town. i gave him a jingle and then we both pulled onto 14 rd...which is where i was going in the first place. he was on his way to work...so we couldnt sit in the middle of the intersection (where the mill pond road crosses 14) and talk for long...i am ashamed of myself. only true mantonites do that...its one thing to sit and talk while blocking one road, but sitting in an intersection is a little excessive. i really dont know what is going on with that boy...feelings complicate things...from what i can tell (and from what other people have told me) we are both too pussy to make a move. but for the record, i would like to say that i have valid reasons.
1- i am going to college in a month. having that emotional tie to manton will only drag me down.
1.5- my sophomore year i didnt do anything because i was leaving for europe.
2- there is no hard evidence that he has any feelings for me. a few instances indicate certain things (at the drive-in and that time we fell asleep at his place and i woke up in his arms), but nothing is certain. i am not a risk taker. i wont put my heart on the line if it will ultimately result in heartache.
3- i don't know his standings on a certain social issue. i refuse to date someone who finds homosexual behavior wrong. talking to him about it is on the list of things to do, but its kinda hard to just bring up.

i think i might give him a call and see if he is out of work yet.
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