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12:53pm 28/04/2008
mood: cheerful
WOW...ha ha ha.
Its been a while since I have been on here.
There is so much to update on... and to give all of the details would take FOREVER! So I am prepared to give a brief overview:

-I dropped out of college.
-James and I don't talk.
-I dated Les for about 7 months. That was a mistake.
-I moved to Tennessee.
-I moved back to Manton.
-I moved back to Tennessee.

So now I am living in Clarksville, and am engaged to Harold. He is currently in Afghanistan... but he will be home in June on mid tour. Things are going pretty well. I have no major complaints about life. I hate to sound like all is sunshine and posies... but everything pretty much is.

I don't have a job at the moment... but that will soon change. My roommates are moving out in about a week... and I must admit that I am kinda sad to see them go. But at least they are only moving onto post, so I will be able to pop over and visit them with a regular frequency.

Currently my best bud is a dog named Chopper. He is Harold's dog, but I am the one in charge of taking care of him while Harry is deployed. At least I have a bud for my movie marathons and spontaneous road trips. The other animal roaming around the house is a Siamese cat named Phoenix... but he will be moving out with Candy and Steve.

I plan on going back to college in a hot minute. I'll probably go to Austin Peay here in Clarksville. I'm pretty excited, but before I go I need to finish paying off my student loans from before. No biggie... I have that under control.

Last night I had the slap in the face that I am officially entering the relm of being a grown-up. Weird. But I don't think grown-ups call themselves grown-ups... but whatever. LOL.

So yeah. Life is good. And that pretty much all I have to say about that.
11:39pm 12/10/2006
mood: i don't really know how i feel
I took a little irrational trip last night. (if you don't know about it, you probably won't due to the fact that it is currently 'hush-hush') All I have to say is that it was snowing like crazy, but that was exactly what I needed to lift my spirits. The snow always has that effect on me, and since I am currently residing in Marquette, it is a good thing that i fully appreciate the snow. Anyway, back to the story... so the trip ended like I thought that it might, but hoped that it wouldn't. Despite the sadness that the ending brought, some things were said to me by the other party (the one I went to see) that fills me with hope...like the little girl that I often act like.

I don't know where all that is going, but I know that I am going along for the ride. I am not going to bail out on it now.

(I hope this isn't too cryptic for the few that have been following the story, but cryptic enough to keep all others out of the loop)
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09:47pm 10/10/2006
mood: a little hurt
James broke up with me on sunday.

A wise woman once said that men should be like Kleenex...soft, strong and disposable. (I know you know who that wise woman was;))
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09:24pm 29/09/2006

Which character from The Nightmare Before Christmas are you?

my name is inigo montoya   
07:23pm 26/09/2006
mood: relaxed
you killed my father and now you must prepare to die.

i have a new and dangerous obsession with the song 'goodbye my lover' ... it isn't that i just started liking it...i have liked it since forever...but now i just cant get enough of it.

i went home last weekend. it was good to be able to hang out with holly...but the best part would have to be when i spent the night with james after he got out of work. we watched movies on the couch...i love cuddling....and james is good at it. we got to talk and just be together...and that makes me happy.

last night got a little crazy....i don't even know how it happened....but that is neither here nor there...so i guess we will proceed to the part of this where i say goodbye and just hit the update button.
07:39pm 04/09/2006
mood: ecstatic
I have a boyfriend...how good does it feel to finally be able to say that!?!? As of August 30th, James and I are 'an item' ... and I am super stoked about it.

More later...now I am going to the MP before they close...

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im gonna die   
01:49pm 31/08/2006
mood: bored
I am sitting is sociology and there is only a few things running through my mind:
1) Professor Gross is quite possibly the most boring person on the face of the planet.
2) This is the most boring subject in the world.
3) He is simply reviewing the shit that he made us read for class... this review would be helpful had I not read, hi lighted and studied the aforementioned info...but I read, hi lighted and studied it so it makes me want to gouge out my liver with a spork.
4) I cant wait until this is over...this is my last class before my wonderful 4 day weekend starts.
5) I cant forget to go to check up on my application at Third Street Bagel Co.

Only 45 minutes left...
12:29am 28/08/2006
  1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don’t you dare dig for that “cool” or “intellectual” book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.

"Whom is it directed to?" said one of the jurymen. "It isn't directed at all," said the White Rabbit; "in fact, there is nothing written on the outside." He unfolded the paper as he spoke, and added, "It isn't a letter after all; it's a set of verses."
Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass
05:10pm 08/08/2006
  I am like the fat kid yelling "FIGHT" in Now and Then...
Except I didn't yell it...
But I wish I had.
"I'm proud of you."   
01:52am 02/08/2006
mood: loved
I called James tonight to tell him that I am proud of myself for not drinking when I had the opportunity. I got his voicemail. He ended up calling me back and didn't really say much about my abstinence until I brought it up and even then he didn't seem to animated and lively about it. We are going to get together tomorrow and watch a movie...I am not sure what it is, but he says it is a good one. So, we hung up and I continued watching Titanic with Trina...

A couple minutes later, my phone rings again and I see that it is James. I answer it and he says in a voice more clear than he used in our previous conversation "I'm proud of you." I didn't really know what to say so I just said "yeah" as if it was a question. He said it again. "I am proud of you. For not drinking." So, I thanked him and then there was one of those famous silences where neither of us is sure what to say before the goodbye. We both chuckled and I said "bye" as he said "night" ... how sweet ... I can't wait until tomorrow when we watch the movie.


PS- For the record, I have been sober now for over a month :)
from here on in, its all fucked up   
01:15am 23/07/2006
mood: contemplative
mom and dan went to the bar tonight. my only thought about that is the question that has been ruling their relationship for the past while: was dan jealous when all the other guys were staring at mom? does he now believe that she is cheating on him with some random drunkard/regular at shamrock? who knows...who cares...

daniel lee called me tonight. well, i take that back...he sent me a string of texts that i didn't get. the first one i got asked if "i am even getting any of these" which was an obvious no. i ended up calling him for a couple minutes, mainly to figure out who in the hell was texting me...because i never got the ones saying that it was my favourite alabama bitch. he seems to be doing well, even though the phone conversation we has was brief.

i was supposed to call james this morning when i woke up, or so said the voicemail he left me at about two. i didnt call him...well i kinda did, but not until a little after seven when i was two cars behind him heading out of town. i gave him a jingle and then we both pulled onto 14 rd...which is where i was going in the first place. he was on his way to work...so we couldnt sit in the middle of the intersection (where the mill pond road crosses 14) and talk for long...i am ashamed of myself. only true mantonites do that...its one thing to sit and talk while blocking one road, but sitting in an intersection is a little excessive. i really dont know what is going on with that boy...feelings complicate things...from what i can tell (and from what other people have told me) we are both too pussy to make a move. but for the record, i would like to say that i have valid reasons.
1- i am going to college in a month. having that emotional tie to manton will only drag me down.
1.5- my sophomore year i didnt do anything because i was leaving for europe.
2- there is no hard evidence that he has any feelings for me. a few instances indicate certain things (at the drive-in and that time we fell asleep at his place and i woke up in his arms), but nothing is certain. i am not a risk taker. i wont put my heart on the line if it will ultimately result in heartache.
3- i don't know his standings on a certain social issue. i refuse to date someone who finds homosexual behavior wrong. talking to him about it is on the list of things to do, but its kinda hard to just bring up.

i think i might give him a call and see if he is out of work yet.
10:09pm 20/07/2006
'What will your obituary say?' at QuizGalaxy.com
Birthday salutations   
06:00pm 13/07/2006
mood: chipper
So, yeah...i am officially 18! Oh, the things I can do now! Today I got my nose pierced, and I must say that it didn't hurt as much as I thought it was going to. I also went to a porn shop...and am now a little saddened that I didn't buy a used nudy mag...except in that way that not really. I smoked a legal cig. Not too exciting, but at least I don't need to rely on the generousity of others anymore. On the list of things to do is register to vote, but that will have to wait until I get back to manton.
I got the most happy birthday calls that I have ever gotten. yay.

Hit me with your best shot.
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i feel like crap   
09:35am 11/07/2006
mood: crappy
so i am at orientation...
i think that it sucks. my roommate is not a very pleasant person, but i guess it could be worse-after all, we could be roommates until we turn 64. that would suck. i think that by age 64 i would have committed suicide if forced to live with her.
i am feeling sick. i felt bad yesterday and to day i feel equally bad. i feel pukey, coughy and sneezy. i just wanna go to bed. trina is going to meet me for lunch, but i just want to chill...i don't really want to eat and i havent for a couple days...once again, i think it is whatever my illness is. i am not down with the sickness.
01:32am 10/07/2006
  (Click here to post your own answers for this meme.)

I miss somebody right now. I don't watch much TV these days. I own lots of books.
I wear glasses or contact lenses. × I love to play video games. I've tried marijuana.
I've watched porn movies. × I have been the psycho-ex in a past relationship. I believe honesty is usually the best policy.
I curse sometimes. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year. × I carry my knife/razor everywhere with me.
it goes on...Collapse )
GI A-Dub   
03:34am 01/07/2006
mood: amused
Hung out tonight with Holly and Trina...
We ended up going to Adam's apartment-he got back from basic training last night. Let me just put it out there: when there is a group of guys (one being a soldier) being drunk fools, conversations can get weird. Some of my favorite quotes of the night include things like:
"They ain't afraid to strap a 2,000 pound bomb to a baby."
"There is an 83% chance of coming home from Iraq disabled...that only gives me a 13% chance that I will come home walking" (Do the math-what about the other 4%?)
"Thats what I learned in plumbing school...in the army."
"When a 'towel head' has a cell phone-then you gotta worry."
And then there is my favorite one:
"They'll strap a baby to a tree." (I don't really know where this was going but Damen insisted that this was a fact and somehow a threat to national security.)

Adam was, at one point, telling a story about when he called some girl that was spreading lies about him...I don't really know how the story started or why it came up, but when he called her number (he couldn't identify it when he saw it on his caller ID) they asked who it was and he said "This is A-Dub-who the fuck is this?" The expression on his face as he was telling the story was priceless. If it can be captured in a phrase, I think that the phrase would be 'I am a badass motha...and slightly curious as to whom I am speaking to'.

The only part of the night that made me feel any sort of emotion for him was when he told the story about his two little daughters. I guess the mother of his kids didn't want him to contact him, but then he called her in hopes that he could, despite her hate for him. Long story short-she realized that he is a 'changed man' and let him talk to the girls. He talked about how big they are getting and how they are so sweet. The eldest (10) is the self proclaimed "Queen of Talking" and the youngest (4) is shy. His face lit up when he told us about them. My favorite part of the story involved him reciting the conversation with his youngest daughter. It went something like: "I love you." (silence from his daughter) "I love you." (silence) "Are you smiling?" "Yes! I love you daddy!" He even did the little girl voice.

I will leave you with this thought:
They ain't afraid to strap a 2,000 pound bomb to a baby...
Learn it. Remember it. Live by it.
out of control   
09:02pm 30/06/2006
mood: content
Life in Manton always has a low rating on the 'fun scale'...usually about a 3, Manton has jumped to about a 4-wahoo. With nearly every delicious batch of muffins baked, there is always one or two that end up sticking to the pan, getting burnt, or simply sucking in general. Life as of recently is no exception. There has been quite a number of social events that in a hell-hole like this can be construed as fun. Partys, open houses, days at the lake, and other events have helped to pass the time effectively. I have no major complaints except the following:

-It seems that all the people that I have not been in a relationship with are getting married. For example, the first boy that I ever had a crush on is getting married this July. Other people who similarly do not know my past or present feelings for them are following suit.

-I continued to make piss-poor decisions. These decisions include partying with a group of people that if, by some chance, we were all to die or get put in jail, I would NOT like to share a cell or my afterlife with.

On a completely different track, my birthday is rapidly approaching. I don't anticipate a lot of people remembering, but I trust that the people who do will make it a memorable 18th birthday. On my birthday, I am planning to get my nose pierced. It should be a good time. No matter how much I hate myself for caring whether or not he remembers, I will be crushed if James doesn't give me a call and wish me a wonderful day.

Well, I guess there is really nothing else of substance that I should make note of, so...
Peace out, my peeps.
life is a death trap   
06:17pm 23/06/2006
mood: cranky
same old shit as before...
i am moody,
like a down power line,
i have taken to wearing my Jackie Chan wristband, and i think we all know what that means...or at least i know what that means...either way-it doesn't really matter.
12:25am 13/06/2006
mood: loved
i see the beauty of beginnings around me...and i am in the center of one...aaahhhhhhh, i love it. i am also in some twisted position where david thinks i am crazy about him...but that may have been the result of a drunken mistake that i made at his open house...he really needs to learn the difference between 'i really want you' and 'i am drunk'...but i guess its too late for that one.

work detail wasnt too bad...cleaned lake city's buses with a 7 other people who violated the law in various ways...all that is left is the rest of my probation and the substance abuse class with my favorite people-the catholic human service workers.

trina and i are getting along rather well, no fights in a while.

i cried.
i don't do that often and i was glad i had a shoulder to cry on and a hand to hold through it. james...you may be one of the only people who know what to say to bring me to tears...and i dont know how that happened, but i like it.

time for bed my peeps...
02:37am 03/06/2006
  one way flight to manton MI with the background music playing and my hopes sky high that all my goals and dreams lie there...

i love ya, jesse...